


Lame Magic Tricks

by sunflower_crown



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abusive Relationships, But not that bad, Circus!AU, Fluff, Hide is alive, Humans, Kaneki's horrible aunt, Multi, Some angst, Swearing, and a dorky magician, i think, i think it says the f word twice, much fluff, no ghouls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 11:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2649716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_crown/pseuds/sunflower_crown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki, after his mother's death, has been living with his horrible aunt for two years and dreams of getting away.  That is, until he meets Hide and is whisked away to join the travelling circus "Anteiku."  Alternately: Hide tries to woo the new acrobat with lame magic tricks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It starts out pretty angsty, but don't worry, it gets better. This is my first fanfic, so I hope you like it! Also, all constructive criticism welcome.  
> EDIT: An enormous, astounding thank you to my beta jam_jam. You are absolutely amazing and this would have been nothing without you <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is two years after his mother's death, which means he is twelve. It starts out pretty angsty, but don't worry, it gets better. This is my first fanfic, so I hope you like it! Also, all constructive criticism welcome.

"...Mom?"

  
Kaneki blinked as he noticed a warm wetness rolling down his cheek. Wiping at his face with his small, plump hands, he stared at the tears glistening on his fingertips. _Oh. Only another dream,_ he solemnly thought to himself. Slowly, the small child crawled out of his nest made of blankets and haphazardly strewn books and went to his desk. He rubbed his eyes, the fog of sleep reluctantly fading away. He plopped down in his chair, grabbed a pencil, and faced the papers in front of him. He needed to start his homework or his grades would slip, and he could not afford to let that happen.

  
Ever since his mother had died, schoolwork had become harder and harder to do. He used to enjoy getting good grades and giving his best effort. His mother would congratulate him on his high scores, smiling at him with pride and love in her eyes as she ruffled his hair. A soft warmth spread through his body at the sight of her kind smile. Her smile alone was enough motivation for Kaneki to fully apply himself to his studies. He was a smart boy, and soon he rose to the top of the class. When she passed, she took her warmth with her. Kaneki's life became dull grays and blacks; the colors had vanished that day. His aunt offered no substitute for his loss. All of her kindness directed at her own son, Kaneki quickly became invisible. That is, except, when she had a reason to be disappointed in him. She never kept those feelings to herself, and Kaneki would never be good enough in her eyes.

  
The only comfort he had now was in his books. They had been a fascination for the boy when he had lived under his mother's care, but now they served as an escape for him. On a particularly bad day, Kaneki would find himself wrapped in multiple blankets with dozens of books, trying to shut out the hell that had become his world and get lost in the fantasies of another. He longed to be the characters of his books, able to travel and run free wherever they so pleased.

 

He stared at the papers in front of him, eyes unseeing. _Why? Why did mom choose her?_ He questioned himself. _Why did she leave me? Why...why don't I just leave? Run away, like the heroes in my books?_ Kaneki shook his head. Although he was young, he was level-headed, and he had enough common sense to know he would not be able to make it on his own. He glanced out the window wistfully, watching a flock of birds as they made their way south for winter.  
 _Someday._

* * *

  
After school the next day, Kaneki gathered his things and set off for home. He lived nearby, so it would only be a short walk. He made his way down the gravel road, kicking loose rocks, not thinking of anything in particular. Soon, he heard the ugly chuckling of a few boys behind him. _Keep your head down. Move out of the way. Don't make eye contact. Stay quiet_. Kaneki chanted to himself as fear caused his knees to shake and he could hear his pulse racing in his veins. It would not have been the first time he had had a run-in with the boys, and usually he got by with just a few names thrown at him, but he knew today was different. Test results had just come out, so most likely they had just gotten scolded by their parents for chronic their low scores yet again. And Kaneki, being at the top of the class, was going to receive the brunt of their anger.

  
"Hey, nerd!" the leader jeered.

  
 _No. I was careful! Why now?_ Kaneki sped up, trying to lose them without attracting attention.

  
"What? Running home to mommy?"

  
Kaneki stopped, his legs unable to carry him further. He was tongue-tied and his mind was blank.

  
"Aww, is baby going to cry?" his lackey blurted out.

  
Kaneki spun around, finally facing and acknowledging the three larger boys. The leader, Oomori Yakumo, or otherwise known to his lackeys as "Jason" (he decided he needed a cool nickname to lead his little "gang") was the son of a prominent businessman in the area. Using his father's money, he bought his friends easily, soon becoming quite popular. He sneered at Kaneki with his cold eyes and crooked teeth. "Oh, gonna man up and-"

  
"You know nothing about my mother!" Kaneki desperately shouted, fists clenched at his sides, fighting back the fear he could feel trying to break his composure.

  
"Is that so?" Oomori asked tauntingly, a chuckle shaking the bulky child. He could see the fear in the grey eyes of the smaller child, despite his attempts bravery. "Too bad you can't do anything about it, momma's boy."

  
Kaneki felt an aching pain rip through his chest at the boy's comment. It felt as if the boy had driven a spike through his lungs, and suddenly there was not enough air. Enraged, Kaneki charged at Oomori, but his step was unsure. With a dodge and a blow to his unprotected back, Kaneki was down, and he tasted the dry bitterness of the gravel below him. Oomori held him to the ground with one expensive shoe as Kaneki struggled fruitlessly. His ugly chortle could be heard as he stepped down harder, the rocks digging painfully into the soft skin of Kaneki's face.

  
"Get his bag," Oomori commanded his subordinates, who frantically scrambled to grab Kaneki's backpack, ripping it off his shoulders. Oomori pointed one silent finger at the ground, and the contents were dumped. A cruel smile crept across the leader's face when he saw the small pile of books. Bending down slowly, Oomori picked up one of the books, holding it by the corner like it was a piece of moldy cheese. He glanced at the title, becoming frustrated when he realized he could not read the unfamiliar kanji. "What is this?" he demanded as he shoved the book in its owner's face.

  
"M-Monochrome R-Rainbow..." Kaneki managed to stutter around the rocks in his face.

  
"You read this smart people shit?" the demanding child on top of him scoffed. "I can't stand you and your books, thinking you are all high and mighty and smart. I bet you think you're the shit, don't you? It makes me sick just looking at your face," Kaneki remained silent, he knew there was nothing that he could say that wouldn't further enrage the beast towering above him. As he grit his teeth to hold beck a whimper of pain, he felt a sudden sense of dread when heard a sound that shook him to the core. Straining to turn his head to see, Kaneki's eyes widened when he saw a fistful of crumpled pages float into his vision.

  
"NO!" Kaneki shouted. _How could he? Those are my books, not his!_ He thought. Kaneki thought he heard someone gasp nearby, but his attention was directed elsewhere when he saw the book laying in tatters around him and the crooked smile adorning Oomori's face in joy at his suffering.

  
Oomori turned to his followers "Get the rest," he commanded impatiently. Kaneki stared in horror as the other two boys bent down and roughly grabbed the remaining books.  
The skinny one chuckled obnoxiously "we really got him good this time, eh, Yakumo?"  
"I told you to call me 'Jason'!" he bellowed furiously.

  
Kaneki, however, paid no mind to their little squabble. There was a much larger tempest brewing inside him. _How could they do this? What will Aunt say? Will she be angry? What will I do if she is? If I don't have my books, where can I go? Where can I hide?_  
The boys had gotten a firm hold on a few pages out of the books when Kaneki heard a voice shout "Police! Yes, over here!" He did not recognize the voice, and was too preoccupied to pay much mind to it. But suddenly, the pressure on his back disappeared and when Kaneki looked up, his attackers had vanished. Kaneki carefully pushed himself up and looked around to find a boy, no older than himself, in front of him.

  
"Need a hand?" The boy asked, kneeling down and extending a hand to him. And then he smiled. His smile sparkled brilliantly, and the colors of fall played in his hair. His eyes were warm and inviting, welcoming Kaneki like hot chocolate on a cold winter's day. Looking into those eyes, Kaneki once again felt that warmth that had left his life all those days ago. And in that moment he realized just how lonely he had been.

  
"The sun" Kaneki thought aloud.

  
"Huh? You say something buddy?" The boy tilted his head, traces of that smile still remaining on his face.

 

"N-no" Kaneki replied, looking away in embarrassment. He promptly stood up, brushing off his knees. Though he did not see it, the boy sadly dropped his outstretched hand, a frown distorting his face.  
"...Thanks for earlier..."

  
And like the flip of a switch, the smile was back. "No problem," the boy grinned.

  
Without looking at the strange colorful boy, Kaneki crouched down in front of the hollow binding and scattered leaves of what was once his most treasured book. Clasping the soiled remains in his hands, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill.

He rushed to scoop up the pages, suddenly worried about getting home late and angering his aunt.

  
"H-hey! Wait! Where are you going!?" The boy shouted after him. Kaneki slowed to a stop and turned around.

  
"What?" he asked the boy, trying to keep his voice steady. He failed.

  
"I want to show you something!" The boy shouted, another blinding grin stretching across his face.

  
"...Ok," Kaneki sighed, slowly returning. He suddenly found it quite difficult to say no to that face, even if he was not in the mood for whatever the boy had planned.

  
"Yes! Ok, here we go!" The boy said as he reached into his pocket to pull out what looked like...a paper hat?

  
"What is that for?" Kaneki asked, confused.

  
"A magic trick!" the boy cheered joyfully as he unfolded the hat.

  
"Oh, is that so?" Kaneki asked, still slightly bewildered.

  
"Don't worry, you'll see!" the boy replied as he dug a black stick out of his pocket. A wand? Kaneki thought. How deep are this boy's pockets anyway?

  
The boy turned the paper hat upside-down, with the opening facing up. "Now, say the magic word!" the boy commanded.

  
"Please?" Kaneki asked, confused.

  
"No, silly!" The boy replied and tapped Kaneki lightly on the head with his wand. "It's abracadabra!"

  
"Abracadabra?" Kaneki said apprehensively. The boy sighed impatiently.

 

"I guess that will do..." he compromised. The boy then tapped the rim of the hat three times and reached his hand inside--

  
There couldn't be anything in there, right? Kaneki wondered. He saw the boy unfold the hat himself, and there was clearly nothing in there then. _Besides_ , he thought solemnly, _magic isn't real._

  
\--and pulled out a bright yellow cockatiel.

  
To say Kaneki was stunned was an understatement. _How did he do that!? Where did that bird come from!? There was no way that bird was in that hat before--_

"Hetare!"

  
 _Did...did that bird just talk? Wait, no, it just called me "loser,_ " Kaneki thought, quite insulted.

  
When Kaneki looked at the boy to ask him about the rude cockatiel, his face was redder than a tomato.

  
"O-o-oh my God! I'm so sorry! He just has a really foul mouth, see, and I- uh-" The boy apologized profusely, then turned to reprimand the bird "No! Dumb bird! We don't call our friends names!" The boy then made the unwise decision to swat at the bird, which then proceeded to furiously peck at his hand.

  
"Hahaha!" Kaneki doubled over laughing. He could not help it! The situation was just entirely too strange.

  
The boy abruptly stuffed the poor bird back into his endless pocket before looking back up at Kaneki. He stopped, completely stunned and just enjoyed the music of the quiet boy's laughter.

  
"You...you finally laughed!" The boy cheered.

  
"Yeah...I guess so" Kaneki managed to get out between gasps and chuckles. It was true, it really had been a long time since he had laughed this hard. He could feel the blood pumping through his veins, coloring his cheeks with his efforts to breathe. He could feel layers of cold ripple off his shoulders like snow sliding off of a tin roof. _But, it felt good,_ he admitted.

  
"What's your name?" the boy suddenly asked.

  
"Kaneki," he said when he had finally caught his breath "Kaneki Ken"

  
"Alright, Kaneki" the boy said contently "I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide"

  
"Hide" he repeated, smiling.

  
"I'm new to town, and I was wondering if we could be friends?" Hide asked hopefully.

  
 _Friends_ , Kaneki thought wistfully. _That sounds nice_. "Sure," he replied.

  
"Yes!" Hide cheered and pumped his fist into the air. "Alright, see you tomorrow, Kaneki!" Hide threw over his shoulder as he jogged away.

  
"W-wait!" Kaneki shouted after him "Will I see you tomorrow at school?"

  
Kaneki watched as Hide simply smiled, then turned around and ran away. After a while, Kaneki turned and headed home as the sun was setting. The warm vibrant colors reminded him of Hide, and he found himself anticipating their next meeting.

  
 _A friend, huh?_


	2. Chapter 2

As Kaneki sat in class the next day, he could not help but reminisce about yesterday's events. Once he had gotten home, as expected his aunt scolded him for his tardiness. Curiously enough, she was less angry than he expected, probably because she was too busy fawning over her own son's barely average grades. Kaneki once again had a hard time last night finishing his homework, but not because of usual reasons. No matter how hard he tried, thoughts of the bright-haired boy would burst into his mind like the boy had into his life, loudly and unexpectedly, but secretly welcomed.

Thankfully, today Oomori and his groupies stayed away from Kaneki, the only sign that the fight had happened was found in the spiteful looks the large boy would throw his way. All in all, his day had been pretty uneventful. Even so, Kaneki could not help the frown that had found its way onto his face. As he approached school that morning, he found himself trying to seek out that bright spot in the sea of people. Even as the bell had rung and class had started, Kaneki had yet to find his new friend.

The rest of the day passed blandly and uninterestingly, and soon Kaneki was walking the familiar roads to his house. Yet again he found himself trudging along, head down, kicking pebbles as he went. _I wonder where he went,_ he thought to himself. _Did Hide lie about wanting to be my friend?_ Deep in thought, the small boy raised his silver eyes to the dull grey clouds above. The wet earthy scent of recent rain still clung to the air, and he felt a slight chill pass over him as the wind picked up. Soon, he noticed the sound of shifting gravel, quick footfalls, and an excited yell that sounded like a small cow coming from far off in the distance. What the heck? Better move out of the way, he thought as he shifted to the side of the road. The sound got louder, and just as he was expecting someone to go barreling by him, he felt two strong arms grip him from behind and spin him around. Before he could overcome his sudden sense of vertigo, the source of the noise started yelling at him.

"There you are Kaneki! I've been waiting here forever! Did you forget me? You know rabbits can die of loneliness!" The voice shouted. As it continued its rant, Kaneki's eyes finally adjusted and immediately recognized the excited person in front of him.

"Hide!?" Kaneki asked, shocked.

"Well of course, silly. Who else would it be?" Hide poked him on the forehead and grinned.

". . .you came," Kaneki mumbled while rubbing his forehead.

Hide simply smiled and grabbed the timid boy's hand. "Come on, let's go!" Hide said enthusiastically as he pulled him towards the large stream running along the side of the road.

"W-wait! What are you doing!?" Kaneki asked, bewildered, clumsily trying to regain his footing.

"You'll see!" Hide threw over his shoulder with a big toothy grin. As he came to the edge of the water, he stooped down to search the rocks below him. Kaneki, curious as of what his friend was trying to accomplish, began to crouch down as well.

"Found one!" Hide yelled, grabbing a flat round rock and immediately standing up, knocking Kaneki off balance and into the frigid winter waters.

The cold water was so much of a shock that any scream got constricted in his throat. The sudden cold stabbed at his skin and soon he was numb to the sharp rocks under him. The water was only about a foot deep, but his pants were completely soaked.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry Kaneki!" Hide yelled, offering the dark haired boy his hand. Once he was out of the water, Hide apologized vigorously as Kaneki felt the pinpricks caused by the sudden change of temperature. When Kaneki brought his attention back to Hide, he saw that he had mid-sentence, his mouth frozen agape. Suddenly, Hide's face changed, determination in the set of his mouth as he took three steps into the water, spread his arms wide, and fell straight backwards into the water. Kaneki was so shocked at the boy's actions that he didn't know what to say. Just then, Hide came up spluttering and ran for the shore like lightning, teeth chattering.

"Why did you do that!?" Kaneki asked, shock and concern on his face as he wrapped his slightly dryer jacket around the blonde's shoulders.

"W-w-well, I-I a-accidently p-pushed you in, so, I-I though t-that would m-make up for it," Hide tried to grin through his now violent teeth chattering.  
"Where do you live? Is it far?" Kaneki asked.

"U-uh . . ." Hide looked away and his face was cast in shadow. "I -I can't. He said I can't tell anyone . . ." Hide mumbled dejectedly. Kaneki stared at him a moment longer before grabbing the boy's chilled hand and pulling him along.

"Come on, I'll take you to my house."

* * *

  
When he got home, Kaneki told Hide to wait out back while he ran in to get him some dry clothes. He burst through the back door, threw a greeting his aunt's way, not caring how she would take his rudeness, and ran upstairs to his room. After grabbing some clothes and a towel fresh out of the dryer, he made his way quickly back outside. When he got back to Hide, he swore the boy was turning blue. He handed Hide the clothes and got on his tiptoes to wrap the still-warm towel around his drenched hair. Hide was soon dressed and Kaneki finished toweling his hair dry. When he pulled the towel off, Hide's hair stuck every which way like a porcupine and Kaneki had to stifle a laugh.

"Sorry we couldn't skip rocks together" Kaneki said after a short silence. In hindsight, on the way home, he had realized what the flat stone was intended for.

"O-oh. It's okay," Hide looked away, a light pink dusting his cheeks. Shaking his head, he finally returned to his normal energetic self. "There's always a next time!"

Kaneki's eyes widened and a hint of a smile crept across his face at the idea of next time. "Yeah, that sounds good", Kaneki agreed.

"See you next time, Kaneki! And thanks for the clothes!" Hide yelled as he started walking away He suddenly stopped and turned around, facing Kaneki. "Oh, and smiles look good on you Kaneki! You should wear them more often!" Hide then ran away, laughing boisterously.

Kaneki hadn't realized he was still smiling, but now his face must have been redder than a tomato. Kaneki muttered something about "stupid Hide," and turned away. looking up, he realized just how beautiful the many colors of the maples surrounding his house were.

* * *

  
From the other room, the man could hear excited chattering. As he approached, he started to make out words.

". . . and then I just thought 'what the heck' and did a back flop into the water! I had no clue how freaking cold that water was though! I thought I was going to die of hypothermia!" a few chuckles could be heard as the boy continued his tale. The man stayed just on the other side of the door, not wanting to interrupt. "But it was all worth seeing Kaneki's reaction. You guys should have seen it! He's so funny!"

_Hmm . . .,_ the man thought to himself as a cat-like smile crept across his face, _Kaneki-kun, eh?_


	3. Chapter 3

That morning, Kaneki climbed out of bed and headed down to the kitchen with a smile on his face. He loved Saturdays. Today was that magical day of the week that his aunt had reserved for "girl's day out" and his cousin always had baseball, which meant that Kaneki had the house to himself. He drowsily made his way down the stairs, letting a big yawn loose and raised both arms high above his head, stretching until he could feel all the muscles in his arms, back, and ribcage loosen. When he made it to the kitchen, he opened up the cabinets searching for the cereal, only to find them empty. Opening up the fridge, he found only milk, butter, some celery, and his aunt's wine bottle. Turning to the dining table, he found it bare as well. She forgot to leave food money again, he thought. He then returned to the fridge, grabbed the remaining two celery stalks, and trudged back up the stairs to his room. The ants recently found his secret snack stash for times like these, so the celery would have to last him through lunch, as well. He wasn't supposed to meet up with Hide until two, so for now, he figured he would pick up a book and start reading until he needed to get ready.

* * *

  
 _This is getting me nowhere. I was supposed to be_ fameux _by now!_ The purple-haired man thought. _If only that old man was not so stubborn! If we want to succeed, we will have bring in some new talent. How will my name ever be known from such a shabby production as this one? I wish to stand on a grand stage with hundreds, no thousands, of adoring fans! I deserve such a stage! I refuse to continue performing like this!_

"Hey, Tsukiyama-san!" Hide greeted the man as he walked in.

Perfect timing, he thought. "Ah, Nagachika-kun, I was looking for you!" He returned with a false smile.

"Whats up?" the cheery boy asked.

"Well, word is, you have found yourself a little friend," Tsukiyama watched as the blood drained from the boy's cheeks and his eyes widened.

"W-where did you hear that?!" Hide asked, completely caught off-guard.

"Oh, a little bird told me~" Tsukiyama sang. The boy wasted no time in clasping his hands together and bowing his head.

"Please don't tell! If the manager finds out--"

" _Calmato_ , Nagachika-kun! I would never do that!" Tsukiyama stopped the boy with a hand on his shoulder. Hide's shoulders relaxed slightly and he collected himself. "So, how is your _ami_?" Tsukiyama continued.

"He's such a great friend! I mean, he is a little shy, but he's really nice, and he let me borrow his clothes and stuff!" Hide praised his friend energetically.

"He does sound like a good friend," Tsukiyama commented. "It's too bad you have to leave him soon" He said, mock disappointment coloring his face. Hide's face soured, and he cast his eyes down at his laces. The boy looked so sad.

"Yeah, I know," he said miserably.

"Well, why don't you ask him to come with us?" Tsukiyama proposed. He saw the boy's eyes light up with new hope. _Got him_.

But his eyes soon lost that spark. "No, I couldn't do that. Kaneki has a family. I couldn't take him away from that." Hide said solemnly.

Tsukiyama pursed his lips. _No! This is not going how I planned!_ "Are you sure? If he is really that good of a friend, wouldn't you want to keep him?" Tsukiyama said, trying to convince the boy that he was making a mistake.

"No, It'll be okay, I think," Hide looked up and smiled, a trace of sadness still lingering in his eyes. "I have to go meet up with Kaneki now. See ya, Tsukiyama-san!" Hide called over his shoulder as he ran off towards town.

_Was my performance not good enough?_ He asked himself, astonished at his own question. Tsukiyama decided he would talk to the boy later. _If only I could get more people to join._

* * *

  
As Hide jogged up to the arcade, he saw Kaneki standing out front, already there waiting for him. Hide called out to him and waved, getting the boy's attention.

"Ready for some fun?!" He asked excitedly, trying to pump Kaneki up.

"Yeah," Kaneki said. Not exactly the response he was looking for though.

"Let's go then!" Hide shouted as he pulled Kaneki through the doors.

After a few rounds of Hide showing off his DDR skills, he had started to get worried. Over the week that Hide had known him, he had gotten better at reading his friend. To others, Kaneki might seem his usual, more reserved self, but Hide noticed that something was off. Even if he usually refrained from speaking, he eyes always held a sparkle. Right now, however, his eyes held little shine and he seemed to be distracted by something. Hide stepped off of the platform and walked over to his friend.

"Hey, something up?" Hide asked, concerned. He got his answer when Kaneki's stomach let out a deafening growl. Kaneki's face heated up and he wrapped his arms around his stomach, embarrassedly trying to stifle the loud gurgles. Hide pursed his lips. _It wasn't that long after lunch; did he not eat anything?_ He thought. "How do burgers sound?" Hide asked.

"W-What?" Kaneki asked, surprised.

"Let's go get some lunch! or wait, it's after lunch, so an early dinner? But no, it's too early for that. . . I got it! Linner! Let's go get linner!" Hide prattled on. "I just found this place in town called 'Big Girl' that looks pretty good!"

"W-wait Hide! Didn't you already eat?" Kaneki was now very confused.

"Meh, I could go for seconds," he said carelessly. "My treat!"

"I couldn't ask you to do that! You already paid for the arcade!" Kaneki argued.

"Okay then, where's your money?" Hide saw him look away ashamedly. "That's what I thought." He lazily crossed his arms behind his head and made his way towards the exit. "You comin'?" he called without turning around.

"Yes!"

* * *

  
"So, yeah, all I had this morning was some celery we had in the fridge," Kaneki finally admitted after happily licking his fingers clean.

_I'm glad he liked it, he seems a lot happier now too_ , Hide thought. This restaurant was warm and inviting, and the waitresses were very pretty. Maybe social places weren't Kaneki's thing, but Hide thought this little excursion had definitely helped his friend. He looked back to Kaneki and was brought back to the conversation at hand upon seeing his weary face. "I can't believe she didn't leave you any food! And she didn't leave you any money either?" Hide said, angry with this woman he had yet to meet.

"Y-Yeah, she does that sometimes..." Kaneki confessed.

_She's his guardian, right? Isn't it her job to take care of him?_ Hide thought spitefully. He needed to change the subject though, Hide could tell he was starting to lose Kaneki. Suddenly, a thought came to him. "Hey, you really like books, don't you?" Hide asked. Kaneki looked up, surprised.

"Huh?" Kaneki asked, puzzled.

"Well, the first day I met you, you had a few with you, right?" Hide asked carefully, trying to skirt around the state which he found the books in, and how they got that way. "Besides, I noticed you staring at that book store we passed on the way here.

Kaneki blushed, but consented "Yeah, I do. There's this brand new author, Takatsuki Sen, that I am really enjoying right now. He comes out with a new book soon; I really want to get it," Kaneki smiled brightly as he talked.

"Reading, huh? I wouldn't know much about that," Hide said as he scratched the back of his neck to hide his embarrassment. "After all, I can't really read," he admitted reluctantly.

"What? Why not?" Kaneki asked, voice full of shock and concern.  
"Well, I can read som words, enough do stuff like order a burger, but I've never really wanted to sit down and read, y'know? It just seems so boring."

"Boring?! How could you possibly say that Hide?" Kaneki asked, betrayal plain on his face.

Hide was shocked at his sudden outburst, but was happy to see some emotion in him.

After a pause, Kaneki continued. "They remind me of my parents," Kaneki smiled fondly. "And, " he added, "they cheer me up when things . . . aren't so great," He said, absentmindedly bringing his had up to cup his chin.

_His eyes are gone again_ , Hide thought as he watched Kaneki study the paper placemat in front of him. He then noticed Kaneki's hand. _He sure does that a lot,_ Hide thought, _and then right after he changes the subject, almost like he's hiding something. . ._

"So!" Kaneki interrupted his thoughts, "I was wondering if, maybe, um, we could go to the bookstore Monday? I'm busy tomorrow, but I really wanted to check out this new book and--"

"Kaneki, I'm sorry, but I can't," Hide didn't want to tell him, he was afraid to. _What would he say? Will he be mad at me? What if he gets so mad he won't talk to me ever again?_ Hide thought worriedly, but resolved his courage. _No, he deserves an explanation._ Hide took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, Kaneki."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bad google translate French.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're leaving?!" Kaneki squeaked. His eyes fell to his lap as he wrung his hands. He felt his stomach drop out from under him. Hide was the first friend he had made. Even though it had only been a week, he was the happiest he had been since his mother had passed. His smile alone had brought so much light to his life. Hide's presence gave him something to look forward to every day. Kaneki thought of the dull state his life would return to, and his heart sank even lower.

"Yeah..." Hide confirmed dismally.

 _It's not Hide's fault though_ , Kaneki chastised himself, _I should be strong, he shouldn't have to hurt too_. Kaneki quickly slapped on the best smile he could manage and brought his eyes back up to his friend. "That's okay, I mean, I understand. I had fun, though." Kaneki said as his left hand instinctively cupped his chin. Kaneki thought he saw a slight crease in Hide's brow, but whatever emotion was just there was now replaced with his usual bright smile.

"Yeah, it was!" Hide said happily.

Relief washed through Kaneki, seeing Hide smile like that. Glancing around the small restaurant, he noticed a large analog clock adorning the wall. Kaneki's eyes widened with shock, then with fear as he realized he was already out two hours after he was supposed to be. His head snapped back to Hide and he took in Hide's perplexed expression. _But... I don't want to go... this is my last day with Hide_ , he thought reluctantly. After a sigh of release, he resigned himself. "I'm sorry Hide, but I'm really late and I need to go."

"Oh..." Hide said, crestfallen.

Kaneki quickly tried to recover. "I-It was really nice meeting you! I'm glad I got to call you my friend!" Kaneki said cheerfully, trying to coax the smile back on Hide's face.

"Yeah," Hide said as he got up to leave. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, but his eyes were still downcast.

They stepped out into the winter cold, and just as they were about to part ways, Hide turned and gave Kaneki a giant bear hug, nearly suffocating the dark-haired boy. Soon the hug melted into something warmer, and Kaneki returned it. Kaneki noted that Hide smelled like so many good things, like hang-dried blankets, toast with peanut butter, and long naps. This warmth was walking out of his life, and all he could do was wave and try to smile as it walked away.

Once Hide had turned the corner, Kaneki allowed his mask to shatter and he could soon feel tears forming. He needed to get home before his aunt got too angry with him. He looked at the angry storm clouds brewing above him and watched them blur. He was starting to get used to this cycle by now. Whenever he was given something, It would eventually be taken away. His father, his mother, even the initial kindness his aunt had shown him in adopting him soon left. Now his only friend was gone too. As it began to rain, so too did his tears fall and he trudged his way home.

"...Kaneki..."

 _Wait, did I just hear something?_ He asked himself. _No, couldn't be..._

"HEY! Kaneki, wait up!"

Kaneki turned around to see a familiar blonde head jog to a stop in front of him, panting.

"H-Hide?!" Kaneki asked, bewildered. He soon regained his composure and turned around to quickly wipe the traces of tears from his face. "What are you doing here, Hide? I need to go home!" He complained, though he felt his spirits lifting from just being in the sunny boy's presence.

"Wait, Kaneki. Wait," Hide said as he grabbed his arm, making sure Kaneki would listen. He appeared to be troubled, and very deep in thought. Kaneki was about to ask what was going on when Hide spoke. "You wanted to know where I lived, right?"

Kaneki was caught off guard with this, and took a moment to respond confusion in his voice. "I thought you couldn't show me, though?" He asked.

"Well, we are leaving tomorrow anyway, so it should be okay, I think..." Hide trailed off in thought. "You know what? We're going." He stated, determination in his voice as he started pulling Kaneki in the direction he had come.

"W-Wait Hide! I really have to get home soon!" Kaneki protested as he stumbled along after Hide.

"It can wait! Please just let me show you this one last thing?" Hide turned around and gave Kaneki his best puppy dog eyes and Kaneki quickly caved.

"F-Fine..." Kaneki grumbled, and let Hide pull him along.

Hide took him through winding streets to the edge of town. They continued along a dirt road some time through a forest of trees before coming to a clearing. Upon reaching the clearing, Hide let go of Kaneki's hand and stepped off the road into the long grass. When he saw Kaneki was not following him, he stopped and turned around.

"Kaneki, hurry up! It's starting to rain harder!" he called out as he pulled his hood over his head.

Kaneki just stood there staring. This was where Hide lived? In front of him stood three giant tents, one bigger than the others, and a few rather large trailers. The larger tent was a colorful spiral of red and yellow, while the two smaller ones were plain white, and a soft light emitted from both.

"You... you live in a giant colorful tent?" Kaneki asked, very confused.

"No, silly! We live in the white one. The colorful one is for performances." Hide said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"We? Performances?" Kaneki asked, even more confused.

"Yeah! We're a travelling circus! Pretty cool, huh?" Hide said proudly.

"Uh-huh," Kaneki mumbled, bewildered, as he began to follow Hide again and they made their way through the tall grass damp with rain. Kaneki had never been to a circus before; his mom never had the time to take him. Of course he had read about them in his books, but this was the first time he had actually seen the towering tents in person. As he got closer, he made out the sign hanging above the opening of the giant tent. "Anteiku..." Kaneki mumbled to himself. _I wonder what it means..._ He thought. As the two entered the "performance tent," as Hide had called it, the smells of peanuts, hot dogs, popcorn, and animals greeted them. Kaneki was surprised to see most of the equipment still put together. He expected it to be empty, knowing they were leaving tomorrow morning. "Aren't you leaving? Shouldn't you have some of this packed up?" Kaneki asked Hide.

"Hahaha! Do you doubt our packing skills?" Hide challenged, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kaneki decided to ignore Hide and continue inspecting the tent. Some people were talking in small groups, and others were using the equipment for practice. Hide started walking towards the center of the tent, where a dark-haired girl appeared to be playing with an oddly orange-ish dog.

"Hey Touka-chan!" Hide called as they approached the girl.

She turned around and glared at the boy. "Don't call me that you little brat, I'm four years older than you!" She huffed. The girl gave off a somewhat cold, but strong aura.

As they got closer, Kaneki realized It was not a dog she had been playing with, but a tiger cub. Fear overtook him and froze him in his tracks. _Why did she have such a dangerous beast free like that?! Was she in danger?!_ He thought as terror infiltrated his thoughts.

"Don't worry, Kaneki," Hide said when he noticed the other boy's expression. "Touka-chan here is a lion tamer in-training!" Hide stated proudly before Touka thumped him on the head.

"Manager said I was going to be allowed to perform soon..." She said abashedly as Hide rubbed his head in pain. "Speaking of which, Hide, who is your friend here? You know Manager doesn't allow guests." Touka said suspiciously.

"Yeah, I was actually about to go talk to him. Do you know where he is?" Hide asked.

"He's over there talking to Trashiyama," she said as she pointed to the back of the tent.

Hide burst into a fit of laughter and started towards his destination, thanking Touka as he left. Kaneki was very confused, but decided it best not to ask. As they approached the two men, Kaneki observed them. One was older, looking more weathered and wise for his years. The other appeared to be about twenty, and wore gaudily flamboyant clothing. His purple hair sat perfectly on his head, not a single hair out of place. The two men seemed to be in a heated discussion about something.

"Hi Manager, I'm home!" Hide called. The old man turned at Hide's voice and his eyes crinkled at the sight of the boy. The purple man also turned, and his eyes widened when they landed on Kaneki.

"Welcome home, Hideyoshi. How was your day?" the man asked kindly.  
"Fun! First..." Hide excitedly recounted the day's events, including his time with Kaneki, while the man listened with rapture. Looking at them, Kaneki couldn't help but feel a small pang of jealousy. It was obvious that this man was like a father to Hide, something that had been missing from his life for a long time.

"Well now, who is this?" The old man asked, bringing Kaneki out of his reverie. The old man looked at him expectantly.

"Um, well, this is Kaneki," Hide said nervously, fiddling with the hem of his jacket. "My friend."

"Oh, is that so?" the old man asked, worry and concern in his voice. He kneeled down in front of Hide before continuing. "You know, I told you to not get too attached. We're leaving tomorrow, Hideyoshi," he said, resting his hand gently on Hide's shoulder.

"W-Well, Manager, that's the thing..." Hide trailed off uncertainly.

"What's that, Hideyoshi?"

"Well," Hide started, "I want Kaneki to come with us".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so you've probably noticed but I've had to change some ages to fit the story better. If I made them the right ages then most of them would be too young to perform. So, of the characters introduced so far, Kaneki and Hide are 12, Touka is 16, Tsukiyama is 20, and Yosimura is still an old man.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hideyoshi, be reasonable," the old man chided.

"Wait!" Tsukiyama interjected, stepping forward. “I believe Kaneki-kun would make a great addition to our little family!"

"No. You know my philosophy, Shuu. I won't take in any kid who has a family to go home to. It's not right," Yoshimura said, standing firm.

Hide knew this well. All of the performers here were orphans whom he'd picked up in one city or another. Most he picked up off the streets; others had found their way to him. Although he didn’t like to talk about it, Hide knew that Yoshimura had once lost a child himself, so he did his best to give them all a place to call home. It may not have been the perfect family, but at least they had a roof over their heads and full bellies. However, Hide also knew that Yoshimura was not one to take a child who had a family to go home to. In no way was he a kidnapper, and this was precisely why Hide had said no to Tsukiyama earlier.

"I'm serious!" Hide interjected. Yes, he had originally thought Kaneki was better off staying with his family, but something had changed. Hide had noticed something--no, a few things that concerned him greatly.

Over the week, he had seen Kaneki's overwhelming fear of getting to his house too late, the lack of lunch today, the deepening shadows under his eyes, the fidgeting and uncomfortableness when his family or aunt were mentioned, and also that strange habit he seemed to display when he was avoiding a question. Not long ago, the pieces started to fall into place. Hide began to fear for Kaneki’s well-being. He never wanted to see Kaneki suffer, and believed that his own makeshift family would be healthy for his friend.

"Hideyoshi, I will not take a child from a home if they have one, and that is final," Yoshimura stated before throwing a glance towards Tsukiyama, silencing his protests.

"But-" Hide tried to complain.

"Hide, stop. It's okay," Kaneki said as he rested his hand on Hide's shoulder. "Thank you for the offer," then to Yoshimura, "but I couldn't possibly accept."

"But Kaneki, you could be happy here!" Hide protested frantically. "You could stay here with us, and I could always be your friend!"

"Hide, I will always be your friend," Kaneki said with a sad smile. "Besides," Kaneki said as he looked around the tent, "I would never fit in here."

Hide was about to protest, but stopped himself. "Okay," he relented.

"Thank you for showing me your home. I'm sorry if I inconvenienced you any, sir," Kaneki said to Yoshimura.

"Nonsense. It was very nice meeting you Kaneki," he said with a nod.

"Here, Kaneki, I'll walk you out." Hide said, eyes downcast.

His family provided plenty of comfort, but it always felt like there was something missing. Hide once tried to make friends, but he would always have to leave them behind when he moved on. Soon, he gave up the idea altogether. But, somehow, Kaneki was different. Kaneki was one of the kindest people he had met. Sure, the boy could be quiet, but Hide did not mind. He had treasured every minute with Kaneki, and even thinking of him always brought a smile to his face. But soon, he would be just like the others he had left behind. Just another memory.

* * *

 As they approached the opening, Kaneki could see the rain was picking up. He looked down at himself, wrinkling his nose at his own clothing choices. All he had on was a thin grey sweater, and in this weather, it would be soaked in minutes. _Why did I forget to bring an umbrella?_ he thought in dismay when he looked up at the falling rain. When they reached the opening of the tent, he felt Hide place a hand on his shoulder. When he turned, he saw that Hide had shrugged out of his jacket and was offering it to him.

"Wear this," Hide insisted. "I would feel bad if you caught a cold."

"Thanks," Kaneki mumbled and gratefully took the offering.

"Hey, if we ever perform here again, I'll come see you?" Hide said hesitantly, shuffling his feet.

"I would love that, Hide," Kaneki said with a smile. This time, it was genuine.

After a short pause, Hide rushed forward to envelop Kaneki in another one of his bear hugs, and Kaneki returned the hug eagerly.

"I'll miss you, Kaneki," Hide mumbled into Kaneki's shoulder. Kaneki thought he heard sniffling, but might have been mistaken. They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other's warmth. Finally, Hide let go and quickly turned around, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. After a moment, he turned back around, his usual shining smile back on his face, as bright as ever. "I'll see you later then, Kaneki!" Hide said enthusiastically, his irritated eyes the only sign of his sadness.

They said their goodbyes and waved each other off. Kaneki left, huddled in the warmth of Hide's jacket. He trudged his way through the rain-heavy weeds to the road, not turning around until he reached it. He looked back just in time to see Hide disappear inside the tent, and then continued on. Kaneki could feel hot tears threatening to spill over, but Hide's jacket was some comfort. _At least I have something to remember him by_ , Kaneki thought as he pulled the collar up over his nose.

Kaneki looked up at the clouds boiling above him. He could not tell, but if he had to guess, he would say the sun had probably gone down. It really was getting late. Walking through the empty, puddle-filled streets, he soon came to the restaurant that they had just eaten in a few hours ago. Now, there were no customers. Only a few bored waitresses idly chatted by the counter, discussing random tidbits of gossip.

Kaneki looked in the windows, cloudy with steam, and once again noticed the clock on the wall. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, unable to see through his tears. He peered at the clock and noticed that he was now four hours late, but somehow could no longer find it in him to care. Even so, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his newly-acquired jacket and made his way to his house.

* * *

Kaneki opened the door to his house, hung up Hide's soaked jacket, and shuffled off his shoes, surprised to find only one other pair there. Stepping inside, he saw his aunt sitting alone at the kitchen table with a nearly-empty bottle of wine, a sour look on her face. She was looking the other way and had not noticed him yet, so Kaneki took this chance to make a dash for the stairs.

"Oh, s'you're back," she slurred and pointed accusingly at Kaneki with her empty wine glass. "How thoughtful of you to show up."

"Sorry for being late, ma'am!" Kaneki rushed and quickly bowed and ran to his room. He knew from experience that it was best to stay far away when she was like this.

When he was safe inside his room, Kaneki crumpled to the floor. He suddenly regretted leaving Hide's jacket down there, but was not going to risk a trip to retrieve it. _I'll just have to settle with my books,_ he thought. He got up slowly and made his way to his closet, opening it to reveal empty bookshelves. _What?_ he thought, confused. Then a sudden realization hit him and he flew down the stairs without a second thought.

"Where are they?" Kaneki asked shakily.

His aunt's eyes narrowed. "What?" she asked, challenging him.

"My books!" he shouted, fists clenched at his sides, though he was shaking like a leaf. "Where are they?" he asked again.

"Oh, those?" she said aloofly, then pointed one lazy finger towards the road. "The trash."

Kaneki was back outside before she could blink. He sprinted to the trash can and threw it to the ground, stomach dropping through his feet when he saw it was completely empty. Kaneki heard the sound of a large motor and looked up to see the garbage truck turning the corner. Without a second thought, Kaneki ran after it, screaming for it to stop. Tears streamed down his face and he fell to his knees as he watched the only reminder he had left of his parents disappear. He stayed there for a while, unable to contain the tears. He had run out without a jacket or shoes, and he was soon soaked to the bone and shivering. He huddled in on himself, looking for warmth and trying to hold himself together.

"Mom . . . "

After a while, Kaneki picked himself and started walking home. The further he got, the faster his footsteps became. _How dare she!_ he thought furiously. _This is the last time--the last time someone hurts me!_

Soon, he was barging in the front door and standing solidly in front of his aunt.

"Oh, you're back?" she scoffed. "I thought you were gone for good." She was smiling at the thought.

"No! Why did you throw them out?! They weren't yours!" Kaneki shouted, not letting her sidetrack him.

"This is my house, kid, I can do whatever I want," she spat, starting to get irritated.

Her lack of emotion only egged Kaneki on further. "I _hate_ you! Those were the only things I had left from my parents and you _threw them away_ , you . . . you _bitch!_ " Kaneki screamed.

His aunt stood up, her chair clattering to the ground. There was a deafening silence throughout the house. "What did you call me?" she asked quietly, her knuckles turning white as she tightened her grip on her bottle.

Kaneki's eyes widened and he backed up, fear coursing through him as his back hit the counter. He glanced back at his aunt and he felt the anger rekindle in him. He hated her. He hated her so much. _It's all her fault_ , he thought spitefully. "You're the reason my mom died!"

Suddenly there was loud shatter right next to his ear and there was pain everywhere. He crumpled to the floor. His lungs tensed up and he suddenly could not breathe, much less scream. After a moment, his nerves calmed down enough for him to pinpoint the pain. He cupped his left eye with both hands, feeling a hot, warm liquid there. He heard muffled noises all around him, but paid no attention to them, staring blankly at the bloody shards of glass scattered across the floor. Soon, he heard screaming. Was it his? His aunt's? He did not know.

When some sense returned to him, he found himself back out onto the street, legs taking him down a random path, unable to see where he was going. Before he knew he was falling, he found himself covered in mud on the side of the road. The pain was intense and his mind was hazy. The rain was pouring now, and he soon found himself shaking from a combination of the cold and blood loss. His vision was going dark, and he rested his head on the muddy slope. Just as he was slipping out of consciousness, a bright patch of sunlight entered his view.


	6. Chapter 6

Soon after Kaneki had left, Yoshimura declared that it was time to start packing up. At that moment, Hide had been running here and there, helping where he could. He was trying to stay busy, trying to move on.

While Hide was lost in his thoughts, a tall brunette came in with a sour look on his face.

“Yo, Nagachika,” Nishiki called. “Run to the store and get some coffee. We’re all out,” he threw over his shoulder as he passed.

Hide wasn’t really in the mood to argue, so he reluctantly agreed. He trudged to the tent opening, about to step out into the rain, when he realized that he no longer had his jacket. Even so, he couldn’t find it in himself to be angry. In fact, the thought that his jacket could give his friend some shelter brought him happiness. He took comfort in knowing that, no matter how insignificant, he could protect Kaneki.

“Hide,” Yoshimura called out to Hide as he came up behind him, a concerned look on his face.

“Hi, Manager,” Hide responded, a half-hearted smile on his face.

“Here, take this,” Yoshimura said as he presented Hide with a large black umbrella, expanding it before handing it to him.

“Thanks,” Hide said, looking at the ground as he accepted the umbrella.

Yoshimura looked silently at Hide, eyebrows furrowed in concern. He sighed and knelt on the compacted earth, looking Hide square in the eyes. After a moment, he pulled Hide to him in a tight hug, pressing Hide’s head to his shoulder.

“It’s okay to cry, Hideyoshi,” Yoshimura said insistently.

And so he did.

* * *

When Hide’s eyes had dried and he had returned Yoshimura’s handkerchief, he went on his way, feeling much better. It may be painful, but Hide had confidence he could get over this. He had a kind, loving family to support him. What more could he possibly ask for? And for the first time since his friend left, he smiled.

Hide walked along the muddy path, stomping in any puddles that came his way. Soon his bright green galoshes were covered in mud. By now it was really starting to pour, and little streams had formed on either side of the road. The wind was picking up and he had to hold on tightly to his umbrella. Soon he could see a figure coming down the road. Hide squinted, trying to see it better through the pouring rain, when all of a sudden it fell, tumbling into the ditch on the side of the road.

Instantly, Hide dropped his umbrella and ran towards the figure, crumpled on the side of the road. As he got closer, he made out a familiar mop of raven hair, and his heart dropped in his chest.

“Kaneki!” he screamed, but there was no response.

As Hide crouched next to his friend, he noticed that he was extremely pale and the mud underneath him had turned a sickening shade of red.

Without a second thought, Hide threw his friend on his back and ran at a breakneck pace for home.

* * *

Yoshimura and Nishiki were in the sleeping quarters, packing up their sleeping materials. They had to leave early tomorrow if they were going to get to their next destination in time. Suddenly, Touka ran in, face panic-stricken and gasping for breath.

"M-Manager! H-Hide is–" she started. Before she could finish, Yoshimura was rushing back to the main tent, fear coursing through his veins as his old bones protested. _Why did I let him go out in this weather? What was I thinking!?_ he thought, terrified of the unknown.

When he rounded the corner and dashed through the opening of the tent, the scene before his eyes brought him utter despair. He felt relief seeing that Hide was fine, but blanched when he glanced at the figure clinging lifelessly to his back. The two were soaked from the rain and blood covered Hide's shirt.

"Where is Nishio?" Yoshimura said, thinking quickly. Glancing behind him, Yoshimura realized with relief that he had followed him there. "Get my instruments," he commanded, and Nishiki immediately took off. Yoshimura then turned to the panicked Hide, asking him what had happened.

"I-I, I–" Hide started, hysteria making it difficult to speak coherently.

Yoshimura realized that trying to get an answer out of him right now would be pointless, and would only waste precious time. Ever so gently, he scooped the unconscious boy off of Hide's back and quickly made his way to the sleeping quarters. Thankfully, they had not quite finished packing and one cot was left untouched.

He carefully laid the boy down and Hide grabbed a pillow to prop his head up. Yoshimura sent Hide to get a lamp just as Nishiki came in, carrying a large leather briefcase. Nishiki opened the case and began setting out the miscellaneous tools as Yoshimura examined the boy's wounds. Hide returned with a bright floor lamp and Yoshimura took the shade off, giving them better light. Nishiki finished setting out Yoshimura's tools and moved on to help Yoshimura.

After a while, Yoshimura noticed Hide standing off to the side, fidgeting and looking rather worried.

"Hideyoshi," he said, and Hide jumped at the mention of his name. "Why don't you go find Touka? I'm sure she could use your help packing up," Yoshimura said softly, trying not to startle the boy. What Hide needed at that moment was to be around other people, and to keep himself busy. Standing there fretting would do nothing, and would only make him feel worse.

Hide looked like he was about to protest, but changed his mind. He silently nodded and left for the main tent. With Hide gone, Yoshimura and Nishiki were able to fully address the boy's wounds, working long into the already late night.

* * *

When they had finished and Kaneki was resting soundly, Yoshimura left the sleeping quarters and made his way to the main tent. It was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep. They had unpacked the other cots and brought them into the main tent so as to not disturb Kaneki. Hide had insisted quite persistently that he wanted to see his friend, but in the end Yoshimura had convinced Hide that Kaneki needed his rest.

As Yoshimura came in, he was happy to see Hide passed out upside-down next to Touka, his feet dangerously close to her face. _Seems like it was a good idea to have him spend some time with her,_ Yoshimura thought with a smile.

"So, now what?" Nishiki asked as he came up to Yoshimura. "You know we can't just leave him here," he said.

"Yes, I know," Yoshimura admitted. He had actually been thinking about this for a while. "I'm going to take him in."

"Figures," Nishiki said, a bored look on his face.

"In a few hours, I will go talk to his family. I won't just leave without telling them anything." Yoshimura said, resolve in his voice.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna go hit the sack," Nishiki said, turning to leave. He paused a few steps away and said, "You should too," before leaving.

Before heading off to bed, Yoshimura took one last glance at his children. Seeing them sleeping peacefully made a soft smile stretch across his old withered face. _You won’t have to worry so much soon, Hideyoshi._

_Soon._

* * *

Kaneki woke up to a white canvas roof. His head was fuzzy, his thoughts jumbled, and there was a dull ache all over his body. It felt like he was underwater. All sounds were muffled, and his senses felt dull. He looked down at himself and saw that a thick wool blanket was draped over his lower half. He became even more confused when he saw that his left side was covered with bandages. He groggily lolled his head to the side and saw a tall brown-haired young man.

The man was going through some long white strips of cloth, which Kaneki soon realized were more bandages. The brunette looked to be in his late teens, and wore wire-framed glasses. It seemed that the man was not alerted to Kaneki's consciousness yet, but Kaneki saw no reason to change that. He was still trying to work through the cloud in his mind. At that moment, he was having quite a bit of difficulty doing so.

He tried sitting up, but a strong headrush overcame him. He let his body fall back to the cot, causing it to creak. At the sound, the man turned around.

"Oh, so you're awake?" the man asked, his tone of voice suggesting that he didn’t actually care. "Sorry if your mind is a little fuzzy. We had to use pretty heavy painkillers."

_Oh, so this was the work of painkillers?_ Kaneki thought sleepily. _Wait? Why would I need painkillers?_

"Nagachika found you last night, but he wouldn't tell us anything. You were banged up pretty badly though."

_Hide did?_ Kaneki thought in confusion. _But wait, what exactly happened? The last thing I remember is . . ._

"You have a few gashes on your left side, and only a few needed stitches, but nothing major. Luckily for you, you don't seem to have a concussion," the man continued.

_Oh, that's right. She threw that bottle, and then . . ._

"The old man did his best to patch you up, but there was one thing he couldn't do much about."

Kaneki suddenly noticed he was cold. He reached for the blanket around his waist, surprise crossing his face as he came up a few inches short. Confused, he tried again, but with the same results.

"Your eye."

"What?" Kaneki asked in confusion. After a moment, he reached his hand up to his left eye, surprised to find rough fabric there. A sudden jolt of pain hit him at his touch, and he finally understood.

"I'm sorry, Kaneki," the man said, voice finally showing emotion.

"Oh."

A look of concern crossed the brunette's face. "Are you sure you're okay, kid?"

Honestly, he wasn’t so sure himself. He had been so emotionally overwhelmed in the last few hours alone that he didn’t know how to react. Maybe he was in shock. But really, he just felt drained. He may have just woken up, but he suddenly felt tired again. The painkillers, combined with today's events, made his eyelids feel like lead. When did the man leave? He hadn’t noticed.

Soon, he found himself curled up under the sheets, and he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

 

_He didn't come home_. Those words buzzed in her mind like a swarm of agitated wasps. The house was dark and empty. She was seated at the kitchen table, a new bottle in hand. A sip. She glanced next to the table at the floor. She hadn’t bothered to clean up after their little "squabble" – cleaning was his job.

Another sip. _Why hasn’t he cleaned it up yet? What’s taking him so long?_ she thought, anger rising. _Am I going to have to teach him a lesson? Who does that truant child think he is?_ Another sip. She glanced at her bottle, staring at it like it held all of the answers she was looking for.

"Does he think he can just leave me?" she asked the bottle. "He left me too, you know. For some other woman. Oh, yeah, she was pretty. She was so _fucking_ pretty that he left us, both our child and I, for her," she spat venomously. Another sip. "And what now? That fucking brat thinks he can leave me now?" A storm was brewing in her, the wasps becoming more frenzied.

Hot, angry tears ran down her face. "He can't leave me," she whispered. "He can't leave me again! He's already hurt me once–isn't that enough!?" she shrieked, throwing the empty bottle to the floor. Glass shards now littered the kitchen floor, surrounding the table like broken puzzle pieces.

After a moment, she heard knocking on the door. Before she realized it, she was sprinting to the door, glass shards embedding themselves in her bare feet. _He's finally come home! He's come back to me!_ she thought as she nearly ripped the door off of its hinges. She was momentarily blinded by the morning sun, but when her eyes adjusted, she was shocked by what she saw.

"Um, good morning ma'am. If you don't mind me asking, are you Kaneki's mother?" the elderly man asked politely.

For a moment, all she could do was stare. All at once, her pent-up resentment and outrage burst forth. "Who are you!? What do you want with us!?" she screamed at the man.

_Wait, he mentioned–he mentioned the boy, hadn't he?_ she thought as realization dawned on her. _Does–does he know where he is?_ she thought frantically. She needed to know. She needed to know. She _needed_ to _know_. _Did he find himself a new happy family? With a pretty wife and loads of_ lovely _children?_

"Where is he?" she asked, deathly quiet.

"Well, ma'am, I would like to take the boy into my custody. However, I would like to do this as diplomatically as possible, so I would appreciate it if you would sign over the adoption papers for me," the man said calmly.

"You– _You_ know where he is," she spat. "Where. Is. He?" she growled.

"Miss, if you could just sign the papers–"

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!" she screeched. "When I find him, I swear, he is going to _pay_."

Suddenly, the man's demeanor changed, took on a much darker look. "I believe we are done here, ma'am," he replied, turning to leave.

"Wait!" she yelled, clasping the man's arm. For a moment, her eyes held clarity. "Are you really going to take him from me?" she asked pleadingly, tears forming in her eyes.

He looked at her through narrowed eyes, glance as cold as ice. "You yourself cannot properly care for him, so yes, I am," he said curtly, before shaking her arm off and walking away.

She collapsed where she was, feeling too hollow to cry.

* * *

After Yoshimura had left, Hide gathered his things and ninja’d out of the main tent to the sleeping quarters. Once he reached the smaller tent, he slowly pulled back the flap, trying to be quiet. He peered inside to find that his dark-haired friend had not woken yet. His chest was rising and falling slowly in peaceful sleep.

Hide smiled and walked carefully over to his friend, careful not to disturb him. Looking at his friend, he was filled with anguish to see him covered in bandages. Peering at the lump of gauze strapped to Kaneki's eye, he felt a pang of guilt run through him. Yoshimura had told him about Kaneki's injuries, but seeing them with his own eyes brought on new pain.

"I'm sorry, Kaneki," he whispered to himself, clenching his fists at his sides. "I promise, from now on I will protect you. I will never let this happen to you again."

Hide looked around for something to sit on. He wanted to be there when Kaneki woke up and his legs were getting tired. Grabbing a nearby stool, he pulled it up next to the cot. The stool squeaked loudly when he sat down, and Kaneki stirred in his sleep. Hide immediately jumped up, silently cursing the stool.

Kaneki grumbled sleepily before sitting up and trying to rub the sleep from his eyes, only to be hit with pain. Hide reached uselessly forward, trying to comfort Kaneki but unsure how to.

“Are you okay, Kaneki?” Hide asked, concerned.

Kaneki looked towards his voice, bleary eyes taking a moment to adjust. “Oh, hi Hide,” he said sleepily.

A toothy grin stretched across Hide’s face. “Glad to see you’re doing well!” he said as he reached over to playfully ruffle Kaneki’s hair.

“Hide, not so loud!” Kaneki protested, clutching at his head.

“Oh, sorry buddy,” Hide said in a whisper. “Hey Nekkers, I have a surprise to show you!” Hide whispered enthusiastically as he reached behind him.

“Nekkers?” Kaneki asked in indignation.

Hide put on an oversized white top hat and turned to Kaneki. “You ready?” he asked, completely ignoring Kaneki’s question. He held a matching white wand in his right hand.

“What happened to your paper hat?” Kaneki asked in confusion.

“Oh, that? That’s my travel hat. _This_ , however, is my performance hat,” he explained. Kaneki chuckled quietly and Hide felt his smile grow tenfold.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Kaneki said, smile still on his face.

“Take this end of the wand,” Hide said, offering Kaneki the other end, “and hold on tight.”

“Oh, okay . . .” Kaneki tilted his head to the side but did as asked.

“Say the magic word!” he commanded, waving his wand around.

“Abracadabra,” Kaneki said, rolling his eyes.

“See, I knew you remembered,” Hide said with a smile.

He then tugged backwards on the wand, pulling the concealed cap off the other end. The cap was left in Kaneki’s hand along with a beautiful bouquet of false flowers.

“There you go!” Hide said with a smile. “You can have them.”

Kaneki just stared at the flowers, his jaw slack. Suddenly, he started shaking like a leaf.

“Kaneki! What’s wrong!?” Hide asked frantically, shaking Kaneki’s shoulders.

Kaneki looked into his eyes then, and Hide had never in his life seen someone look so heartbroken. Hide could feel his heart clench painfully in his chest. Fear was suddenly coursing through him. _What have I done?_ he asked himself.

“Kaneki! Please tell me,” Hide pleaded distraughtly to hollow eyes. “Please . . .” Hide whispered.

“ . . . white . . . carnations . . .” Kaneki whispered brokenly. After what seemed like an eternity, Kaneki swallowed to clear his throat. “Hide?” he asked shakily. “Where . . . where did you get these?”

Hide immediately searched his memory for the information. Kaneki was really starting to scare him. “U-Um I think it was like three years ago? Yeah! We were here, a-and I went out shopping with Manager, and there was this lady on the side of the road selling these. I really wanted them, you know, to use in my performances, so he bought them for me,” he rushed out. “Why?”

Kaneki said nothing, just looked him. Then, he let his eyes fall down to the bouquet in his clenched hands. What was at first a few sniffles turned into choked sobs, until he was crying like he hadn’t cried in years. He pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed, clutching the flowers like his life depended on it.

Hide stood watching. He didn’t understand what those flowers meant to him, and he might not ever. But what he _did_ understand was that his best friend was hurting. Hide grabbed an extra pillow and blanket and climbed on the cot with Kaneki. He wrapped the blanket around his friend and pulled him down next to him, pulling him to his chest.

“It’s okay to cry, Kaneki,” Hide said as he stroked Kaneki’s hair. Hide felt Kaneki’s arms clutch at him as he cried into his shoulder, sobs violently wracking his body. Kaneki was probably staining his shirt with tears, but there was nothing Hide could have cared about less at the minute.

After an immeasurable amount of time, Kaneki’s sobs quieted to sniffles, and his breathing leveled out. Soon, Hide could feel Kaneki’s breathing slow considerably, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Much better?” Hide asked warmly.

Kaneki paused for a second, and instead of answering, said, “Thank you, Hide.”

“Of course,” Hide responded immediately.

“. . . for being my friend, too,” Kaneki whispered.

“Always,” Hide answered simply, squeezing Kaneki's shoulders.

Kaneki's breathing slowed to a steady rhythm and his grip loosened, sleep claiming him. Hide shifted into a more comfortable position, snuggling into the welcoming pillow. Not long after, both friends drifted off into the sweet dreams that awaited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya guys~! So lately I have been having health problems, and I think it's because of combined stress from writing and school (finals are coming up). This fic is going to be on hiatus for about two weeks, which is when winter break starts for me. Then I should be able to update. Also, I will try to work on those 40+ oneshots then as well, so look forward to it! Again, I apologize for this, but I hope the extra-long chapter made up for it. Thank you guys so much for reading, you have no clue how much it means to me <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Im back! I'm so so so sorry it took me this long to post this chapter, but I promise, I will not orpan this story!! >:). If anyone actually stuck around, I hope you enjoy this next chapter *bows*. As always, this chapter was beta'd by the lovely Jambe (thank you so much).

As the first streaks of dawn colored the night sky, Kaneki fumbled through his morning routine. Although he had been with the troupe for a couple weeks now, he was still getting used to their early schedule. That morning — like all the ones previous — he was running late and rushed to throw on clothes so he wouldn't miss breakfast. His new sight problems didn’t exactly make things any easier, and he found himself bumping into furniture as he tried to run, brush his teeth, and button his pants all at once.

Kaneki stormed into the kitchen to find it already empty. The leftovers had been put away and Touka was drying off the last plate. His shoulders slumped in defeat as his stomach complained noisily. _Not again_ , Kaneki thought dismally, _that’s the third time this week_. Lost in his thoughts, he jumped as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

“Late again today, Nekkers?” Hide teased with a smile warmer than the rising sun. The hungry boy sighed and slouched even further.

“Yeah,” he admitted softly, resting his fingertips on the bandage over his eye.

The bright boy’s smile faltered for a second before it snapped back, twice as strong.

“Well, you’re in luck today!” he announced, producing a now-cold roll and two and a half strips of bacon. “Couldn’t let my best friend go hungry, now could I?” Hide said, rubbing his arm with a sheepish smile.

Kaneki stood there in stunned silence as the boy in front of him rambled on.

“A-and about that one strip of bacon — you see, I kinda got hungry waiting, and I really like bacon like you have no idea . . .”

_Best friend._

_That’s the first time I’ve ever been called that_ , Kaneki realized in wonder.

“-neki? Nekkers? Earth to Kanekiii~”

Kaneki jumped and blushed as he noticed the hand waving in front of his face.

“U-um sorry, I gotta go or Nishiki’s gonna yell at me,” Kaneki said, dismissing himself from further embarrassment. As he dashed away to his new “job,” a timid smile broke across the dark-haired boy’s face. His heart was so light he felt like he could fly.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

 

When Kaneki had mostly recovered from his injuries, the group had held a meeting to discuss his future role as part of their troop. Obviously with his lack of experience and depth perception, performing was no longer an option. Hide tried to persuade Yoshimura to let Kaneki be a magician as well, even though the position was already filled. Kaneki quickly declined, saying that performance in front of a crowd wasn't really his thing anyway. Luckily or not, that left one job opening: taking care of the animals.

Kaneki sprinted to the animal's tent, flinging open the canvas and standing at attention in front of his superior. Nishiki turned around, shovel in hand and the usual sour look on his face.

"Yo, brat, quit standing around and get to work. The horses' stalls need to be cleaned and the lion needs to be fed," Nishiki said impatiently, turning back to his own work. Kaneki grabbed a shovel and scurried off to the horse stalls. Of all the animals whose care he was tasked with, he probably enjoyed the horses the most. The animals were surprisingly friendly, though they would sometimes try to eat his hair. Cleaning the stalls wasn’t that much of a problem either, as he was used to doing the chores around his aunt’s house, and cleaning was cleaning.

Although he was plenty busy, the chores themselves weren’t that difficult. It seemed that Nishiki reserved the more difficult tasks for himself, saying ‘an injured brat like you couldn’t handle this.’

Nishiki sure seemed like a grumpy guy at first, but as Kaneki got to know him, he turned out to be a pretty nice person. Kaneki had learned, after he had recovered, that Nishiki had been the one to nurse him in his injured state. Yoshimura had performed the operation to remove his damaged eye while Nishiki helped, and Nishiki had stayed to change his bandages and care for him.

He had asked Hide earlier about it. After all, Nishiki was young and able-bodied but wasn't one of the performers.

"That's because he's the manager's understudy," Hide had explained as they sat in the field outside the tent. "Yoshimura used to be a great doctor. He helped hundreds of people! But he retired a while ago when he started this circus. He gave all of us a home," he had finished, picking at the grass around his feet.

A soft smile lingered on the sunny boy’s face. Kaneki still wasn't sure why Yoshimura had decided to build this circus, but he couldn't help but be glad that he had.

Kaneki finished cleaning the stalls, and although feeding the lion was still absolutely terrifying, he was slowly starting to get the hang of it. Kaneki soon finished up his chores and Nishiki dismissed him for lunch. Kaneki wearily dropped his tools in a heap near the exit. He took one step into the main tent when something heavy slammed into him, nearly knocking him over.

"Kaneki! They have a Big Girl in this town!" Hide cheered enthusiastically, grabbing his friend by the shoulders and shaking him senseless.

Once Hide had calmed down and Kaneki had regained his balance, he gave his friend a baffled look. Hide’s sparkled with anticipation. He suddenly whipped his head around, still keeping his hands on Kaneki’s shoulders. Calling out across the tent, he asked Yoshimura for permission to leave. When the old man nodded with a smile, the boy grabbed his confused friend by the wrist and dragged him from the tent.

"Come on, let’s go have some fun!" Hide threw over his shoulder. Hide beamed at Kaneki as he tried to stumble along behind his over-enthusiastic friend. Kaneki couldn't help but think that, even with the recent events, his friend’s smile was infectious. He soon felt a small smile of his own stretch over his lips.

He really was lucky to have a friend like Hide.

.....................................................................................................................................................

 

Yoshimura smiled to himself as he watched the two scramble off into town. It was a wonderful thing to see the two boys so happy, and even better, it seemed that Kaneki was finally starting to settle in. The first few weeks were always the hardest for the children, but Kaneki’s transition seemed to be going rather smoothly.

Which was surprising, noting how much trauma the child had gone through. Although the lacerations had mostly healed, the boy had permanently lost his eye. Kaneki played it off like it was nothing, but Yoshimura knew that the loss of vision would probably be a disability that would hinder him his whole life.

And then there were the emotional scars. Yoshimura walked over to the dining table and grabbed a chair to rest his weary bones. He could tell from his visit that the woman that had held custody of the boy was not all there, and shuddered at the thought of what treatment the boy had gone through on a daily basis. And to think that the abuse was from his own family. He could only wonder at the luck that they had still been in town when the boy was injured. But no matter the previous circumstances, the boy was safe now, and that's all that mattered. _Although_ , the elderly man thought as a crease formed between his brows, _there is still one problem..._

.........................................................................................................................................................

"Om mah Gah ish i’ sho goo," Hide tried to say around a mouthful of his hamburger. His eyes were gleaming bright with happiness.

"Yeah, it really is," Kaneki agreed with a slightly concerned look. No matter how good the hamburger was, Hide was going to choke if he kept scarfing it down like that. Turning his attention back to his own food, he continued. "Plus, I really have fun coming here with you."

There was a sudden silence on the other side of the table, and Kaneki looked up to see Hide had abandoned his food, and his face had turned redder than a tomato.

“N-No problem…” Hide mumbled.

They finished their food in silence. Kaneki looked outside at the clouds churning in the sky. Two weeks ago, Kaneki could never have imagined any of this happening. It all seemed like a crazy dream, but the dull pain and the bandage covering his eye told him differently. What had happened was surely a nightmare, but, looking across the table at his friend, he had bright hopes for the future.

“Hey, Kaneki,” Hide called, bringing Kaneki out of his reverie. “I just paid so we’re free to go. Looks like Manager gave us a little extra today. You know what that means?” Hide prompted, a grin creeping onto his face and a twinkle in his eye.

“Umm…” Kaneki thought, tilting his head to the side.

“Ice cream!” Hide blurted out without waiting for an answer. Hide was practically beaming, which contrasted starkly against the dark clouds outside. His smile was the brightest thing in the dimly-lit diner. Kaneki realized at that moment that he would probably never be able to say no to that face.

“Alright, let’s go.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

They meandered their way down the sidewalk, Kaneki scuffing his shoes against the pavement as Hide darted ahead, scouting for an ice cream parlor. After a minute, Hide would realize how far he’d gotten and sprint back to Kaneki’s side. Kaneki would always feel a slight warmth spread through his chest whenever Hide would come running.

Soon, he felt a cold drop hit his nose. Kaneki blinked and looked up at the sky as more fat drops splattered against his cheeks. In no time, It was pouring. Hide yelped in surprise, grabbing Kaneki’s hand and dashing to the closest overhang. They were both nearly soaked, trying to catch their breath as they watched the rain come down.

“I guess we’ll have to wait until the rain calms down a little,” Hide stated, leaning against the storefront. “Ice cream won’t be any good in this weather, but maybe there’s an arcade . . .”

Kaneki curled up on the window ledge and pressed his face to the cold glass. The soft, warm lighting inside looked welcoming and comfortable. He wanted to go inside, but looking at his wet clothes, he decided against it. He didn’t want to trouble the shopkeeper any.

Turning his attention to the displays in the window, his eyes lit up. It must have been a small library, or maybe a book store. He squinted into the glass, cupping his hands around his eyes for a better view. He bonked his head on the window pane, cursed his missing eye, and peered back into the window. Now that he could see, he noticed rows of crowded bookshelves. The rainbow of faded covers was beautiful to him, like a tapestry of the finest materials. The tiny place was like a treasure chest, holding his favorite things in the whole world.

He thought of his own tiny stash. The hand-me-downs from his father, and the books he had purchased himself with the little money he could scrape together. Over time, his little collection grew. He remembered how his heart would swell with joy every time he opened up the well-worn pages of one of his books. Even if he’d read a book seven times, reading brought him into his own little world of happiness. But now everything was gone like the rain down the gutters in the street.

With a soft sigh, silver eyes wandered wistfully back to the display. The boy gasped in delight when he got a closer look at the books. One of the books in particular caught his attention. It was Takatsuki Sen’s new book, _The Black Goat’s Egg!_ It was the very book he had been saving his money for! _I must have missed the release date_ , he thought as he continued to stare in wonder. His heart sank as he remembered his current circumstances. _If only…_

“-neki, Kaneki!”

The quiet boy jumped in surprise as he was pulled from his thoughts. There was a hand lightly shaking his shoulder, and he looked up to see a concerned look on his friend’s face.

“Hey, Nekkers, the rain stopped so we can go now. Are you okay?” Hide asked as his brows creased together.

“Y-yeah,” Kaneki said, dismissing it easily raising his hand to fidget with his chin as he glanced at the book one last time. When he looked back, he thought he caught Hide’s eyes flicker away from the display.

“Come on man, let’s go home,” Hide said with a warm smile and an outstretched hand. Kaneki felt his heart skip a beat.

_Home._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“. . . a few years ago, Touka-chan decided to surprise me with a cake for my birthday; she’s actually a lot kinder than she looks,” Hide said with a twinkle in his eye. Kaneki could tell that they were close friends, and for a moment, Kaneki felt a twinge of jealousy for all the years they’d spent together. He shook his head quickly, he was being ridiculous. _Besides_ , he thought to himself, _how could anyone_ not _be friends with such a kind soul._

“Anyways,” Hide continued, “apparently it was her first time baking a cake,” he said with a chuckle. “It wasn’t . . . the best, but Nishiki took his first bite and spit it right out! He said it tasted exactly like horse poop! I couldn’t believe him! So I turned around and said ‘Nishiki has eaten horse poop?!?!’” Hide started cracking up. "Everyone else started busting up! I mean it makes sense, right? After all, he _does_ clean up after the animals," he finished with a grin, throwing his friend a wry glance.

Kaneki couldn't help it, Hide's laughter was infectious. By the time the tents were in sight, his sides ached. But it was a pleasant ache, completely different from the pain he had faced lately.

The two boys were brought out of their own little world as they heard shouting in the distance. When Kaneki looked up, he saw a figure rushing toward them.

"Touka-chan?" Hide wondered aloud.

She stumbled to a stop in front of the two, panting and out of breath, hands on her knees as she dragged air into her lungs.

"Hide . . . Kaneki . . . go. . ." she coughed out between breaths.

"What? Wait, Touka-chan, what's wrong?" Hide asked in alarm, stepping towards the girl.

"GO!" she shouted, giving them a frantic look. "They're here, you two need to get out right now!"

"Who?" Hide demanded, his face beginning to mirror Touka's frantic worry.

Kaneki's heart was pounding in his chest, going a million miles an hour. He had just found peace, found happiness. Was he going to lose it all now so quickly? Who could have come? Kaneki thought. _No, it couldn't be . . . has she come to take my happiness again?_

Touka was silent as she straightened her back, fists shaking at her sides. She finally looked Hide in the eye and spoke:

"The Doves."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I promise I wont end this on a cliffhanger and I'll get the next chapter up asap. Again, thank you for supporting me!


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